He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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