Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
