all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
