I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
