Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
