it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
