rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
