id be glad to
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
