Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
