Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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