I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
