I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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