I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
