dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
