Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize