He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
