I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
