Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
