Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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