i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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