Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
