tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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