So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
