oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
