What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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