her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
