so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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