Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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