he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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