Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
