Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
