Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
