I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
