Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
