Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Slut skills are useful in every country.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
