If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize