Your face is a jimmy john
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
