No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
