I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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