Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
