time to smoke my breakfast
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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