Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
