At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
