Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
