This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
