Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
