come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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