i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
