is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
