Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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