Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
