So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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