TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
