Who wears a wallet chain?!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
