A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
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