dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize