Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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