We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
