I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
When are your genitals available?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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