So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Plan B is the new Plan A
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
