i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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