im about as happy as oj after his trial
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
