ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
