I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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