some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
