Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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