sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
